February 5, 2017

• I haven't been here in years. Literally,years. I am only back because I ran into someone I knew from here on Facebook. She wants her site back so I wanted to see if it was actually here. It wasn't because I couldn't read it. This site makes me sad, and not just because it is a shell of what it once was. I think it is because it is hard to see how far you've come when you are looking ahead or admiring the right now. I knew that when I first started this site, it was a pro-ana site even though I would have said it wasn't. There are so many women that I miss from that time of my life. I hope that they are all OK. Underneath the disease and mental illness that held them captive, they were amazing and strong women. I think what was shocking to me was finding a second site that I had opened called goosebumps and languo. I can't decide if the person who made that site would be proud or ashamed of where I am now. I am leaning toward ashamed. It's the truth. The only thing that mattered back then was being thin. I am certainly not that now. I wish that Xanga would have never died. In a way it didn't. We just moved on to other platforms. It is more a selfish wish. If Xanga would have never died, I would have never cleaned up this site leaving only user friendly fluff. It would represent the journey that is my life. When I tell people that it is possible to heal I can show them every step of the way.

  Until the next time I decide to show my face. You know where I am at on WordPress and Facebook.

  • 9:03 pm
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