May 7, 2009

  • Random Timestamp Dec 17, 2006


    Big Brown Blobby Bloated Belly

    Big Blobby Brown Bloated Belly Buries Beautiful Bones

     


    B- BLOATED

    Dear ED,

    I am tired of all of your lies.

    Erika.

    My Dearest Erika,

    You unappreciative little girl. You can't see what I have done for you.  I never promised you that I wouldn't lie.  I never promised you anything.  I merely suggested that you would be safe, if you were thinner.  It was a suggestion and you were stupid enough to believe me or you or whatever.  We're one in the same. You'll never go anywhere.  You are mine. I am yours.  We are the same.

    Besides, you are too weak to even crawl away.  You wouldn't make it one day without me because you are nothing without me.  You can think all you want that it is the other way around.  It isn't. 

    You are the invader and you are unwanted.  If you want a divorce, then you leave.  It's my brain, my body, and my soul.  You do not  belong to you.

    With Deepest Love,
    ED

Comments (26)

  • @The_Female_Essence - giggle. don't feel that way. the ed blogs are a completely different culture.

  • @Erika_Steele - 
    ok. i get it.... i feel stupid now - let's see, how long have i been on xanga?? i chewed a girl named "ana" out once too for a similar post. i guess ed and ana need to get married because i keep thinking they are already people.... ♥

  • @The_Female_Essence - this was a life time ago.  I wrote this when I was still giving into my Eating Disorder (ED) behavior.  In the one picture that is still there, I was pregnant, but didn't know it yet.  This was probably 1 month before I found out.  There were so many entries before that about how "fat" I was getting.

  • i freaked when i read those words from whoever ed is or was. i hope you are fine now, after three years of repair. ♥

  • holy crap i love that photo!

  • my e/d talks to me the same exact way. why are they so evil? why do they take over our lives and leave us with absolutely nothing? fucking e/d.

  • *hugs* Thanks for the loving support honey - you really lighten my day *kisses*

  • I wish I was that thin while bloated.

    Love the new look of your site, I LOVE how much candy just ripped out of that tiny belly, lol!

  • HUGS and KISSES to you darlin'

  • Thanks for your reply on the December 17th post

  • If you're fat, then I'm a fundamentalist Christian bent on ending the theory of evolution.

  • lol yeah tell me about it...those posts grrrr *hugs* <3 much love hun

  • dearest Erika,

    You are too kind to stay with Ed any longer; you are too good a person. And you are far too loved. Far too talented. And I would miss you far too much.

  • *cough* please get out of my head. I've (it's?) written me so many versions of that letter that I don't even try to rebuke it anymore.

    (I love your background image in a very morbid way.)

    Take care of yourself in all ways.

  • thanks for the comment on my friends site, your comment touched me, and i dont even know you...but i wanted to say thanks.

  • RYC:::...I think that recovery is difficult because it's healthier at the end and more rewarding...I know I shouldn't be one to talk, cause I'm going through the same thing...but - just look at your self. Not through Ed's eyes, not through Ana's or Mia's. Look at yourself through your own eyes and see what true beauty is...see what you truly are-a beauitful person.

    Thank you for the comment on my little banner thing. I found the image through a search.

  • THANKS LOL. I CAN NEVER SEEM TO KEEP MY EYES OPEN WHEN I SMILE OR LAUGH LOL [A REAL SMILE] YEH I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT. HE GETS AWAY WITH THINGS NOBODY ELSE DOES. HE'S ALWAYS OPEN AND HONEST WITH ME AND I LOVE IT! THE PROBLEM COMES IN WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT WE'RE TOGETHER OR DATING. HE'S WHITE AND WE LIVE IN ALABAMA. PEOPLE REALLY MAKE IT INTO A BIG DEAL. RECIPES WOULD BE GREAT! I PLAN TO BUY AN ELECTRIC SKILLET AND TOASTER OVEN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS LOL. I CANT LIVE OFF OF MICROWAVED FOOD FOREVER. AND THOSE BIG HEFFERS IN MY SUITE EAT ALL MY DAMN FOOD! I'LL BE SO GLAD WHEN I GET OUT OF THERE. ONLY A FEW MONTHS LEFT!

  • Ed...is an evil destroyer...don't let him do this to you sweetie. You're too beautiful for this.

    Ali

  • you are beautiful
    so small
    <3
    the letter says so much
    about how i got here too
    taking things said and
    internalizing it and
    letting it become you
    . . .
    C

  • your tiny :P

    your letter is true... I know I'm not in control doesn't mean I don't try. But it's to tiring.

    Oh and that pic of the girl with the apple... she is scary lol
    She reminds me of the witch from Snow white... :( *runs and hides* haha :P

  • IT'S FUNNY HOW WE ALL THINK WE ARE IN CONTROL BUT IN ALL REALITY IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. YEP.

  • When/if you figure out how to make it go away-share your secret.  Please. 
    Hugs to you!

  • Couldnt have said it better myself... Your letters are so true..

    Kylie

  • {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

    Back at ya

    Marilyn

  • RYC - yeah, men are dumb...like if you comment that another man is good looking it must mean your gay....whats that about?

    Cool pictures, you look fab...I know what I think doesnt matter as its the way ytou see yourseld that counts, but thought I would say anyway.

    Have a great week girl. xxx

  • nice site. take care

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