August 13, 2012

  • PTSD

      


    Your body controlled by this other thing

    that is supposed to be you

    but it is not and no one else can see

    you are a zombie

    you are gone


    everything is light speeding

    life runs away from you

    you think you are moving forward

    but you are only falling behind


    with the ghost girl weaving a blanket of sadness, pain,anger, and joy

    that you no longer recognize as your own

    and she doesn’t recognize you, the stranger with her eyes

    so old


    the world is at absolute zero

    and you are the Higgs field

    in a moment everything is different and the same

    the past, present, and future are one


     

Comments (26)

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  • There are a lot of similar projects that resemble the exact protocols you acknowledged below. I will keep reading on the message.

  • @SerenaDante - A lot of the people who responded seem to respond positively.  I think if I had read this on another blog, I would think that it described how I felt.  It wouldn't make me sad or freak out.  I tried not to make it something that would be triggering in anyway.

  • My boyfriend is in the Air Force and ever since I started dating him I've gotten to know a LOT of people with PTSD. I like this. Do you think it would be appropriate to share it with those people with PTSD, or will it just make them sad/freak out?

  • Very nice!

    I'm limited in limitlessness.  It's frustrating.  Time is something you can never have like so many other things that are prescribed and never sold.

  • Very powerful!!!

  • You are actually more artistic than I imagined. I love the play of images and words.

  • perfection

  • Thanks for your support :) Beautiful photos and words.. 

  • All I can say is "wow".

  • This is amazing, photography and words.  I know PTSD all to well.

  • @Gidget_PennyWhistle - It comes and goes. It's definitely less intense than it used to be.  What you wrote makes perfect sense.  I can remember when I didn't think about anything meaningful.  I miss those days.

  • "Zombie" is correct,  does the numbness ever leave completely...? I hope so, good luck with your journey.

    " The world is absolute zero and you are the Higgs field". There are so many times when Nihilism gets to me because of the trauma. I think people who have been blessed enough to live a life of cotton candy and rainbows aren't cursed with deeper intrinsic lives: questions, an everlasting search for meaning. A way to justify what has happened. Sometimes I choose to give meaning to the wonders of the world and think "this is the point, this is everything! I will live!" and other times I think "It all just is what it is and it's all meaningless, the BS I've been through is proof".

    I know this probably makes no sense to anyone but me, anyways this spoke to me.

  • awww

  • It is written beautifully. I know how you feel. May be not the same circumstances. Hugs to you. You are a brave girl. 

  • And this too shall pass.... I love this post. You synchronised the beautiful photography with the equally beautiful poetry seamlessly.

  • This was beautifully written. And a very accurate portrayal of PTSD, imho.

  • Higgs field?  This is the coolest thing I ever read.

  • I admire your talent, I really do. This was all just so perfect.

  • Thanks for this Erica. Its god awful to be living the present through past eyes. The leaves have a haumting quality. I hate the PTSD so so much. EMDR just make me relive it all too vividly but with too much emotion. SOmeone just zap me head with an electrode please or decapate me. But its a beautiful post.

  • @crazy2love - @xdeelynnx - thanks.  I mostly wrote this as something to go along with the pictures of the leaves (caught on spider webbing).  I have more good days than bad days now.  I am struggling right now but it is because I am generally more anxious in the summer and the anniversary of my rape is coming up soon.  Some years, it is easy and others not so much.  This year has been hard, but that may be due to the fact that I'm finishing my Phd.  STRESSED doesn't begin to describe how I feel.

    @PhoenixFighting - I am not even sure how I came up with these words to describe PTSD.  I wanted to describe the feeling of moving and not moving without sounding completely emo.

  • I know how difficult it can be. For the longest time, I let the depressing thoughts take control of my mind. Now that I'm better, wiser, and stronger, I can finally be in control of my own mind.

  • I know this...oh, how I know this. It gets easier, and it gets better, if you let it. It's so hard, but it's worth it. Dreams of happiness become reality, and it's wonderful. I can't even remember the last day I had where I was sad and depressed for no other reason than I was messed up in the head. Mind over matter...make the choice, and work towards it.

  • Perfect description of what it is and does...better than I have come up with in my 1.5 years of struggling with it. Beautiful. Thank you. 

  • @seedsower - thank you, I wanted to share these, but I had to think of the perfect way to do it.

  • The leaves reflect the thoughts perfectly.

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