We have been teaching John about body parts for most of his life.  The older he gets the more parts we teach him.  Last month I tried explaining to him that mommies, girls,  usually do not have penises; they had vaginas.  The other day John was running around the house saying Mama has a giant! Mama has a giant!  I look at him confused and say, "a giant?  I have a giant?"  He then proudly states that daddy, and Boy and Buddy and he had penises and Mama is a girl with a big giant."  I laugh and think at least he knows that the word giant means big.  I've been working on correcting him, but it is too funny and not that critical.  As long as he knows not to let people touch his penis, touch other people's penis or "giant", I think I am doing my job for now.

John and I painted this picture on the day the tornado came through town.  That night I was blissfully unaware of how lucky we were.  John was getting restless because the power was out and we would not let him go out and play.  Previously, I taught him how to paint leaves on a tree.   The flower on the right with the purple and orange petals is the one he painted.  He didn't like my rule that the petals have to be attached or the same color.  I also like that he tried to paint the leaves and the stem on his own.  If I had painted leaves and a stem, I know he would have done a better job copying them.  I am not sure why he wanted the petals to be all over the place.  I didn't get a chance to ask.  When he was finished, he put the brush back in the water and announced, "That's a flower, John-John painted a flower."  Then it was back off to beg to go outside by the window.  I think when the power did not come one after a few hours, we relented as did most of the other people in the neighborhood. I sat in the rocking chair and watched John run around and splash in the puddles.

He accepted the fact that the pool was dirty and that we couldn't swim in it.  I elected not to tell him that we could get sick from swimming in the pool with algae in it.  I am sure we wouldn't get sick, just itchy.  He was playing peacefully when I decided that we should do something fun.  I asked him if he wanted to go see a tree where there were apples growing and he could pick an apple.  He looked at me like I was absolutely crazy.  I know he was thinking that apples come from stores not trees.  He took my hand anyway.  I told him that I wasn't sure if it was an apple tree or a peach tree but we would pick a piece of fruit and eat it.  I am absolutely positive he thought I was making the story up.  He dragged his feet, and muttered about apples, peaches, fruit, and flowers.  When we finally made it to the fruit tree, he was very excited.  I wish there was still fruit on some of the lower branches because he really wanted to pick an "apple".  When we got to the tree I could see that they were really green anjou pears.  The one I picked for John was ripe and the one I picked for myself will be ready in a few days.  He carried it with pride saying that fruit grew on trees.  We have been talking about how trees change during the year.  When the leaves first started coming back, I told him that the leaves meant that the trees were growing.  I am going to try my best to explain to him about fruit in the summer and what seeds do.  I don't know that he will really understand, but it will be fun listening to him explain what I said to someone else.  I always laugh when he tells people about leaves and the trees growing in the spring.  Plant reproduction should be even more fun.

When we went inside, he was so excited to watch me peel his "apple".  I sliced it on his plate and he gobbled it up.  It was a pretty amazing tasting pear.  Now I have to slice and peel the store bought apple that he had before we went "apple" picking.  He wanted to eat the "apple" he picked from the tree.

John is always saying nonsensical things in his sleep.  Last Saturday morning I was reading Shaping the Future Volume II on my computer when I heard him giggle.  I smiled and my little mama heart fluttered because my little boy was having a good dream.  I look up again when the laughter got louder.  I wanted to make sure he was still sleeping.  There was a brief moment of silence and then I heard, "That's a fucking flea!  That's a fucking flea!" I had to laugh at that one.  He woke himself up laughing and squealing, "That's a fucking flea!"

I wonder what he was dreaming about.

I said spit. 

Laughter.
"Mama shitted" he squealed and laughed. "Mama shits"
"Spit, John" I said "I said spit"
"Shit! Shit funny"  He laughed "Mama shits!  OOOOH Mama Shits! She Shitted."

Does he not know that the proper past tense of shit is shat?

Sorry Jim, his name was I ate my family and he had me when he told me that his ex-wife tried to decapitate him with a shovel.  I promised to use a meat hook, but he bit me and zombified me instead.  I am kind of slow, he is pretty fast you know opposites attract.  Consider this our Facebook break up.

I lied, we aren't going to the petting zoo. If we go, I'll have to take him myself and I am not comfortable doing that.  I hate driving and my car battery has been acting funny. Jim decided to take a job subbing instead of going on the trip.

John has a dentist appointment tomorrow.  I hope I am just being paranoid about his teeth.  He has a holes in two of his front teeth.  They don't look rotten or discolored.  One of them has been there for a while, the other is new or I just noticed it.  One of them is in the back of the tooth, the other is in the tooth next to the front tooth. One of the teeth was damaged when he fell in the bathtub.  Both of his front teeth were damage when he fell it's only notibable in one.  The one next to them might have been damaged as well.  On-line sources say that holes can be caused by traumatic falls.   I know that I need to stop nursing him to sleep, but I don't have the heart to just let him cry.  I can't do it.  It stresses me out just thinking about weaning him because that is what it's going to amount to.  He is not ready for it.  He is showing no signs that he might be ready to wean.  Then there are some days where if he doesn't drink milk (like when he is teething) he won't eat. If I didn't think he would cry, then I would have no problem with it.  I'd stop the night weaning tonight.  I need help. I see a fight coming on.

As I sit dying I am going over my life's mistakes.  I am waiting to die in the student death center.  A death that should take no more than 3 hours.  I sit dying for not being true to myself, and for that, I am much regretful.  There aren't many things that I would change in my life, but the one that my mind comtemplates is most certainly one of them.  I saw you and knew instantly you were not good enough to play with my son.  However your bouncingn Beyonce curls, big fawning brown eyes, and daddy melting smile made me think that I couldn't break your baby girl heart.  Besides it was too late, he saw you Little Miss Beyonce in Miniature.  He smiled you smiled.  He rubbed his hands all over your snotty face before I could even contemplate whether I should break things up.  My son is too clean to play with the likes of you, germball.

However, I regret that I didn't move my son away from you to another area of the park where your little devil snot smile couldn't tempt him.  So here I am dying because of you.  I regret not teaching you of heartbreak.  I figured that lesson would come for you all too soon.  I will have you to know that if my son and I survive this assault on our immune system, we won't be associating with the likes of you again.  We aren't the kind to socialize while oozing germ filled snot.  We are better and more compassionate than that.  As I sit dying in a tacky chair, I wish that I would have grabbed my son, slathered him in neosporin and baby wipes and got him away from you.

I love randomly good days.  I went to pick up my reund check.  I knew that it was either going to be not ready, ready to be picked up, or already mailed.  I was told to come back tomorrow and the money that I paid over the web would be refunded to my credit card (debit card).  I wasn't expecting this to happen. I had parking tickets and other random expenses that I had no problem with paying for.  It made me smile.